More of Me to Love

One of the most adorable people in the world is my friend Gala.  She is one of those people so full of all the bubbly happiness and joy of life that it’s impossible to be mad at her.  Over the last nine months as I have worked through the fitness journey, she will come up to me and hug me and she always says, “Less of you to love!”

This seems to always happen on the days that I am most discouraged and frustrated and just wish that I could see some progress.  And then there is Gala hugging me and commenting about how I am just shrinking right before her eyes.

Well, the last few weeks have been frustrating.  I was candid in my post about how Barrett’s Don’t Cry about some of the challenges going on in my life. But at true as each of those (and other) stressors are… I am the only one who can take responsibility for what I allow into my mouth and into my mind.

So on February 28th I met with Donovan at 4:30 to face the numbers, whatever they may be, and to walk forward from there.  Donovan was very clear, and very right, in saying whatever the numbers are is what they are and there would be no excuses accepted for what did or didn’t happen in the last 90 days.

We had a great chat before the numbers… and it’s true my emotional core is getting stronger.  I am learning to be able to say “I did bad” without allowing it to become “I am bad.” As my identity has slowly begun to detangle from my activity, it made me more free to push limits that I had established in my own mind.

But these numbers would be the real test. And it’s one that I will need to pass if I am going to conquer the next phase of this fight.

It didn’t hurt to see my overall weight has gone up 2 pounds; what hurt more was seeing that lean mass went down by 1… meaning I gained 3 pounds of fat. Now, for perspective, in the first 6 months I lost 23 pounds of fat so this was by no means starting over… but it was still a hit to my ego.

I also saw an increase in inches some places and, while it went down in other places, it was net gain of 3 inches. Again, minor compared to the loss in the first 6 months but a step backward none the less.

While there with Donovan it wasn’t too hard to frame this in a positive light and recognize the progress I have made emotionally in the last 3 months, even if the physical numbers don’t line up with what I want to see.

That night, in the silence of my home, however, I had to battle it out with my own thoughts. Laying there thinking through the highs and lows of the last 90 days and the outcome of what the numbers had to say, suddenly my mind clicked over to Gala. In the movie theater of my mind, I saw her coming up and giving me a huge hug and declaring, “there’s more of you to love!”

And somehow that just made me giggle too much to feel bad about anything anymore.  Gala doesn’t love me because I am losing weight or performing to any standard.  She loves me because she loves me.  No numbers can make her love me more or love me less.

My setbacks don’t diminish my value.  They are just set ups for who I am going to become next. It’s here, at the dip in the J curve, at the bottom of the squat, where the power is really found to go to the next level.

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One thought on “More of Me to Love

  1. Pingback: 140 – Imperfect Progress

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