Like it or not, today is the moment of truth. For three months I have justified one bad decision at a time and today at 4:30 measurements will be taken to see where all those decisions have led.
How did that Cookie Party, Mardi Gras Mentality, and all the justification of the last two weeks balance out against the good decisions? Was the 30 days of Whole30 “perfect” eating sufficient to counteract those bad decisions?
The night has been filled with these questions and concern about what the numbers will say. My biggest fear is bodyfat percentage and lean mass. With the knee/hipflexor issues at the beginning of this quarter and the travel toward the end, my workouts have been significantly less intense than in the past.
Today I will find out and whatever those numbers are is what they are… more than likely it’s not as bad as I fear.
There is a part of me that really wants to see the numbers. Just create a new set point and move on from there. Basically since the end of the Whole30 and my birthday, I have been saying I will “start tomorrow” with being on track with food.
There are some reasons to celebrate no matter what the numbers say today.
I have still never skipped a single workout while I was in town. Now, I have missed workouts I planned to do while traveling but I have never skipped a day with Donovan and that is quite a feat as today is the end of my 9th month working out with Donovan.
Even in all the sugar and poor choices, I am still wearing a size 10 dress today, 2 sizes smaller than the Magic Dress and a full 8 sizes smaller than the dresses I wore when I was starting with Donovan.
My attitude is so much better than 9 months ago, or even three months ago. Sure, it’s been a tumultuous last few weeks but even in that turmoil, my identity is so much more solid than before.
Heck, even the confidence to break up with my first boyfriend… despite the fear that another may not come along, is an indicator to how much I have grown in the last several months.
And no matter what the numbers say today, I am the victory.
Daniel is always telling me that life is a “Sine Curve” and he is completely right. I had a meteoric rise for the first 6 months. The last three months have been more of a battle. Holidays, birthdays, emotional difficulties… this is a part of everyone’s life so maybe I should just be glad it all fit nicely in a 3-month block so that it’s only effecting on weigh-in.
So today we face the music or whatever it is that they say… but who I am is unchanged.
Who I am is emotionally stronger than who I was yesterday and my internal strength will continue to pull my body more and more toward who I am meant to be. One day at a time, one decision at a time, until I arrive at my destiny.
Because, really, it’s Just Numbers, they don’t define me anymore.