Not sure why saying that is so hard. Could be because I was raised to think independently and to take care of myself. Our family moto was “A Barrett can bear it” after all.
Or perhaps it has something to do with being afraid I am not enough. Like if I can figure out how to take care of things on my own then somehow that makes me a better person.
As I said in my blog, Take the Leap, at Forge God reminded me that I can’t do it all on my own. It was a frustrating week, as I hobbled around on a plastic foot, dealing with the fact that I am not as self-sufficient as I want to believe.
The pain is mostly gone and, with some physical therapy in process, the injury will soon be just a fun story. Hopefully the same is not true for the lesson.
These are my awesome fellow Spartan Women. We had a great time at camp and even met up twice since Forge for dinner. We have a GroupMe chat where we have been sharing how life is going and keeping in touch.
A few weeks ago I was having one of those days. The “high” of camp was over and the exhaustion that comes from pain waking me up at night was really getting to me. I caught myself laying on the couch before work thinking that a doughnut may make me feel better.
That’s when I sent this message:
I’m having an emotional low. It’s happened enough times that I know vitamins, healthy food, positive books & CDs, positive speaking… these decisions will pull me out of the low.
But in the fog of the low place it’s easy to believe chocolate, sweets, food, sleep, Facebook, laying around … after all I’m tired right? Problem is that doesn’t help, it just makes it worse.
Praying God helps me make right decisions until I feel right again. If I make feeling decisions, I’ll be stuck for a while.
I sent it to the Spartan women and to my awesome accountability partner. Then I headed to work.
In the 10 minutes it takes to get to work, I received messages from every one of those women. Plus I got a call. Later in the day, Ciara checked in on me, and then again the next day.
In our texting back and forth, I made this realization … one that was so striking I texted it to Ciara:
Hey, look at me, I’m learning to ask for help. 🙂
Cute as it is that I learned to let people help me when I can’t walk, inviting people into my depression was different. It took a level of venerability that even blogging about my struggles with authenticity hasn’t asked of me.
Ciara’s answer to my text is so awesome, it makes a fitting end to this blog:
Girl! That’s why community is essential!