While some found the idea intriguing, the response was primarily “If I stay with this community group, that sounds good.” The idea that people in this group may not be committed to staying kinda shook me … immediately I started to wonder who else is going to leave?
Fear of abandonment soon followed and I could feel myself wanting to put up walls before I get hurt. But running to another group or dropping out again isn’t going to fix anything. I’ll just keep going around the same mountain. God will keep placing me in situations like this until I learn whatever lesson He is trying to teach me.
My other temptation (more viable than running away) is more subtle and dangerous. It’s the temptation to close up on myself; to recluse back into my shell. I could feel myself pulling in; not wanting to really work on any more relationships until the “forming” phase is over.
I know many of you have told me you feel as I do. So hear me out when I say this. I promise, to close up again is far worse than to be abandoned. I know that’s hard to believe. But to recluse inside myself is to be a prisoner again.
Tomorrow I’ll post the blog I wrote Sunday morning about addiction. For now, I’ll just say that my freedom will never be found fighting alone. And neither will yours.